Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
