So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
