You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
