I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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