Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I supernannyed him into submission
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
