ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
