why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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