UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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