just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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