I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
