nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
