I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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