hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
