Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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