all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
