I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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