just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
