My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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