In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Dicks are not precious.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
