were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Enjoy the penises
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