thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
