you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
