Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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