I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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