i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
