he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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