Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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