I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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