I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
