last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
bring money and cleavage
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
