CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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