I feel great
I just peed on a car
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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