People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
