explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
