She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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