hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
