he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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