My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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