i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
