i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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