You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
