I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
