at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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