I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
