So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
