Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
