i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
