i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
