i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize