Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize