I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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