I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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