I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
