im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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