when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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