He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Too much gin, very little bucket
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
