Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize