I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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