I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
