Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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