fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
