Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
