What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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