I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
There's always time for handjobs
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
