I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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