last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
